but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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