Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
3 2 1 whiskey
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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