u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize