I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
