Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
