Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
