Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
