Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
