dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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