dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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