Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
