I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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