Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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