the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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