Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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