What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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