It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So many bounce houses so little time
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
