I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
