Tell her she can't have a vagina
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
