textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
