I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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