So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
MIDGETS
????
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
