We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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