You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
