Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
