i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
