Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
