I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
