I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
