Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
