I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize