Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
