Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
