he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
