how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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