Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
