He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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