I met the friendliest cop last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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