So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
