Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
