Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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