uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize