That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
