Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
