New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm always down for nudity.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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