you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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