Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
