Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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