He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
