I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize