I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
