sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
