I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
