ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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