She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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