i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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