What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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