covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
