I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
