Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
