nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
