My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
where are you?
Hypothermia
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That was before I lit my hair on fire
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize