3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
