He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
