We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They are going to name an STD after you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
