so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
