sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
