and i looked up. we had an audience...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
