What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
